I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
