I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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