you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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