I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
