I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
