i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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