Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
