you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
