i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
