In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
