On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
