it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
