I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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