You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
