he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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