Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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