Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
