What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
