mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
