you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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