how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
