He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
