There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you win again, gameday.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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