God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
