There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
