HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sext me about skeletons
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
