There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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