it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
