exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
