I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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