Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
