Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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