thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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