So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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