Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
