nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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