you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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