so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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