well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
