dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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