i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
