doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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