my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
