I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
