saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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