Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
