I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
