I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
