are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
