omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
