it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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