so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
