I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
