he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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