he told me I talked like a deaf person
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
