There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
