its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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