she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You pole danced in your parka.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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