i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
