I murdered the dance floor call the cops
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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