Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
