so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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