peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
