but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize