I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
