you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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