I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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