hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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