My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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