I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
