While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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