he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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