OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
