God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
