last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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