i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
